LIFE WALK: Part Three - Stories Underneath Patterns
The pattern is what you see on the surface — procrastination, overeating, people-pleasing, numbing out, blowing up in anger. But underneath every disruptive pattern is a story you’re telling yourself… and that story is running the show.
If you only try to fix the pattern, it’s like mopping up water while the faucet is still on. The mess keeps coming back. But when you slow down and get honest about the story underneath, you finally find the leak.
• The story reveals the fear that keeps you stuck.
• The story exposes the belief you’ve been carrying (mot of the time since childhood).
• The story is what gives the pattern its power.
Here’s the hope: once you name the story, you can re-write it. That’s where freedom lives. That’s where the pattern loses its grip.
Patterns are symptoms. Stories are roots. Healing comes when you go beneath the surface.
The 3rd part in this exercise identify the internal story underneath each pattern identified in step two.
How to identify the story underneath the pattern:
Go back to your last triggering moment with that pattern. Where once again you found yourself in the same familiar spot/situation, even though you didn’t want to be.
Get quiet, slow down, go back to that moment and listen to your internal voice/story: write down your thoughts word for word. Get specific. This will feel messy, this will feel uncomfortable, you will get a feeling of “yuck, I don’t want anyone to ever know these thoughts.” If you feel that you are on the right path.
What I have found is the messier and more honest you get here the more healing there is going to be in the next steps. It is rare that we sit with our thoughts, it is very rare that we slow down, pay attention, and really identify what we are saying to ourselves, especially during hard times. It is in these moments 90% of Americans numb. We get so uncomfortable we have to distract ourselves, ignore the pain, and or find a way to relieve it momentarily.
You will do this with each Pattern.
Ex. A pattern might be “I do not properly communicate because I am afraid of making waves. I am a people pleaser.
Ex. Story underneath the pattern: If I speak up they won’t like me. If they know what I think, they will judge me. Keeping the peace feels safer than saying what I truly feel. I guess I will just nod my head and put my thoughts aside. My opinion is not valuable. Everyone expects me to just go along with things. I do not agree with what this person is saying at all. They are actually ridiculous. I will just pretend I agree, quiet myself and my worth so they can have this moment. I don’t want to be rejected. It is easier to not speak up then take the chance of being told I am wrong. I hate that I am a doormat. I feel like I get walked all over. Why do I keep finding myself in this spot? Why am I not strong enough to speak up. Im an idiot. I am so weak. Apparently I don’t have voice. My value comes from being liked. I don’t want to be seen as difficult. etc.
